I was never the tallest, the fastest, the biggest or the most handsome boy. I've always been naturally skinny. I became more conscious of it when I got into university, although it had been bothering me long before that. I would feel insecure even in situations where I wasn’t the center of attention.
I was too much in my head thinking about what people would say about my body.At one point, I stopped wearing shorts entirely and requested my mom not to buy them for me anymore. I wore trousers only because I used to think people stared at my skinny legs whenever I walked past them. Every time I felt like a clown in a spotlight.
I found myself in seemingly endless comparisons with every guy out there, deeming myself a loser against everyone I compared myself to. My self esteem plummeted...drawing me into isolation. I know for sure I was a bit extreme with it, avoiding social gatherings and parties for fear of judgmental comments like "guy, do you even eat at all".
As loneliness consumed me, depression crept in, and I started to think of suicide.
In the quest to salvage my situation, I turned to YouTube for weight gain and body building videos. I desired to improve my physique, but in vain. I found that to gain weight, I'd have to regularly take smoothies, supplements, et cetera. It quickly satrted to feel like a waste of time after a few months. I was working out on the same feeding from before I started. I could not afford supplements and this just added a sense of frustration and hopelessness to my situation.
Then one fateful day, like a breath of fresh air, I met Jordan Peterson on YouTube and that was the pivotal moment in my life! discovered my goals didn't realize an abundance of financial resources, I researched alternative ways to improve my mental well being and I learnt in my research that self worth isn't solely determined by physical appearance but it's also rooted in one's character, skills, talents, values and contributions to the world. I embraced it. It was difficult at first to expose myself, but with time I got the confidence. I embraced the newfound sense of self acceptance. I work out still, but not even actively looking at the gains. I can do 30 pushups at my convenience any day, any time. I decided to focus on other activities that brought me joy. I started playing basketball too, I started wearing shorts obviously, and I also involved myself trying to make relationships with people out there.
True happiness comes from within; external appearance doesn't define one's worth too. I believe with the right mindset and support system, anybody can overcome the most daunting obstacles and emerge more resilient than ever before.
In 2013, the Oxford Dictionary word of the year was ‘selfie’. This was in response to the rise of social media, in particular Instagram, increasingly becoming an accepted part of our culture. The obsession with taking pictures of ‘the self’ has become more prominent since, with other platforms such as Snapchat and Tiktok becoming popular.
On the face of it, taking pictures seems to be harmless; after all, what is wrong with taking pictures for mementos when we are having fun with friends or feeling good about ourselves. But on the other hand, there is a cost to our mental health!
Exposure to many selfies (read photos) online has made us more self-conscious of the way we look and present ourselves to others. On top of this, the programming of social media algorithms will push certain looks and body types towards us, often making us feel inferior. We are now more geared towards seeking likes and approval from others, often neglecting other important areas of our lives.
Things are complicated further by the vast number of easily accessible filters; want to get rid of your acne? It’s just a swipe away. Want to look you younger? Slimmer? These filters are all available through various social media platforms and apps.
This begs the question; does our selfie ever really truly represent the person we are?
Our “selfie” culture emphasizes outward beauty. We are constantly bombarded with images of glamorous celebrities in magazines, adverts, TV shows, et cetera. What you see daily on TikTok, Facebook, and Instagram can understandably make you feel envious of others, or worse, focus your thoughts on your physical appearance and any perceived flaws. You may struggle to live up to these standards and experience negative feelings and judgments about yourself. This can become destructive when it diminishes your self-worth and body image. Even when you know that these idealized images are digitally altered or enhanced, it’s easy to fall into the trap of unfavorably comparing yourself—or others.
As a result, we are seeing;
The first step to protecting yourself from body shaming is to stop body-shaming yourself and develop self-compassion. Don’t hide or isolate yourself from others. We all have days when we don’t look or feel our best, but don’t let this destroy your self-esteem or sense of worth. Treat yourself with kindness and understanding, as you would a best friend. Taking care of yourself is not a selfish act; it’s necessary for your personal well-being. Exercise, eat healthy food, enjoy the company of people who care about you, and spend some time outdoors to refresh your body and your mind.
Replace negative selftalkLearning to accept your own imperfections will ultimately free you from placing unfair judgments on yourself or others. Shift your focus to the things that you like about yourself. For example, if you have beautiful hair or eyes, this is just as important as the features you dislike or that others try to ridicule. The next time you look in the mirror, notice these positive attributes. Be proud of your individuality. Your value as a human being is worth much more than your physical body.
Don’t body shame othersWhen you promote body positivity to others, you also feel more positively about your own body. Surround yourself with people who are courteous and treat others with respect. Avoid bullies who engage in body shaming. Establish boundaries with your circle of friends and make it clear that you will not tolerate comments about your body or weight. You can also set an example by standing up for others who are the targets of body shaming.
Manage time spent on social mediaSpending too much time on social media can add to your anxiety, loneliness, and body dissatisfaction, reinforce unrealistic expectations of yourself, and expose you to body shaming and cyber bullying. Reducing your time on social media will enable you to participate in other activities that can elevate your mood and tap into your creative potential. It can give you an opportunity to connect in-person and improve the quality of your social interactions. Communicating face-to-face can be a lot more rewarding than texting or messaging.
Way Forward Youth Africa is a youth-led non-profit dedicated to revolutionizing the African health sector through innovation and advocacy.
Kampala, Uganda
+256-70643-0021
info@wayforwardyouth.org